dunwall:

parcelhare:

parcelhare:

I just gave a goblin an accidental handjob in D&D I’m so

For anyone curious, I tried to rip his dick off and then botched my roll. Now our caravan won’t stop calling me the “Hand of Mercy”

i

fin-gets-clever-in-latin:

THE GIFSET I’VE BEEN WAITING MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR.

kierennwalkerr:

In the Flesh + Real World Issues

i-ran-over-oprah:

announcements at school

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.  Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

nialllhoran:

WHY ARE PHONES GETTING BIGGER WHEN GIRLS STILL BARELY HAVE POCKETS IN THEIR PANTS

raptorific:

I see how it is. Rihanna can wear a shiny, completely transparent dress in public and everyone loves it, but when I did it, I was “wasting saran wrap” and “ruining Easter, Daniel.”

terra-puella:

hi hello ur going to do great today and if u dont believe me than here’s a puppy pug taking a bath

terra-puella:

hi hello ur going to do great today and if u dont believe me than here’s a puppy pug taking a bath

rosehip-baby:

I’ve watched this at least 200 times

frigginjabroni:

Went from comedic to real as fuck in like 2 seconds

everysmiledeserves:

slavingpeoplesacrificingthings:

merker-the-twerker:

peanutbutterismypoison:

captainsnippet:

“Rob’s really good with the babies. Every time they started crying, I would literally go, ‘Oh god, where’s its mom?’ I would be worried about the baby and he would literally go into the corner and just shake it to sleep.” -Kristen Stewart

they… they actually put all that fake blood on a REAL baby!?!??!

now wait, wait..it’s sad that i know this but i do. it wasn’t corn syrup and whatever or high grade chemical fake blood. that particular mix was cream cheese and rasberry jelly. so that if the baby put it’s hands in it’s mouth, it wouldn’t hurt itself.

how did such a cool guy make such a bad career choice

probably the only thing i’d reblog that has twilight involved

His face in the last shot.

tertiusvonfluffenwelter:

FUN FACT of the DAY: BOOBYTRAP backwards spells PARTYBOOB

✿THEME